And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
