I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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