You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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