i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
