I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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