God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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