There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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