White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize