like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
