she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
