how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
