I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
