Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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