I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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