how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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