Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
