i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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