You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
