Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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