The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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