Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The best revenge is premature balding
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
