All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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