I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
