To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
