flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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