I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
