she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
