New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My pussy is not your playground.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
