How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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