were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
