So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
