Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
