I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
