I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
