I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm bleeding and have questions
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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