I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
