It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
