She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
