Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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