i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize