Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
