remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
