Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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