What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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