it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
