Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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