I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
