you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I want to have your abortion
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
