i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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