GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
