awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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