in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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