we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
