Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
