Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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