He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
