i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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