he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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