She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
