why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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