So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
