Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
