I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
