Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
