I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
