my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
