i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
