you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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