Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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