Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
